So this time I only had to get poked twice! Turns out all those fun immunizations like Yellow Fever, Typhoid Fever, the new Tetanus with Whooping Cough all last from 5-12 years!
Not only did I not have to get poked more, I also saved a lot of money ($100+). So I got my second Hepatitis A, which is supposedly good for a lifetime? I asked, "Like a lifetime warranty?" They laughed. "Yeah..." And they made me get the H1N1 flu shot which I wasn't that happy about because I didn't want the H1N1, anyway, I obeyed. She prescribed me 130 Doxycycline (Anti-Malaria). I was surprised that they only cost $8.50. I have to take those babies for 3-months, 2-weeks and 2-days.
My arms were tender for a few days, but luckily no side effects!! Last time I got a really bad headache, and think I even got a little cold. Thank you for praying for health!! My teammate, Brock is having a rough time with his, so keep him in your prayers too :)
This week has been exciting watching checks roll in.
It happens like this:
No checks for a few days, "God....?," four checks come the next day, "Thanks God! I knew you would/will provide!"
Then, no checks for awhile, next day...checks in the mail!!!
It's like Christmas time. I come home everyday looking forward to opening the mailbox like it's my stocking.
Some years you get awesome presents in your stockings like, earrings and lip gloss and the next year you get a candy cane and a pencil [insert laughs and possible exaggeration].
Some days I get bills in the mail, other days I get checks and notes with so much
encouragement!
Total as of today: $2,540
Total until flight booked: $460
Total until total-needed: $3,660
Almost halfway there!
I keep thinking positively, but I am still fearful I won't make it.
Last time 'round I wasn't as concerned...I'm trying to unpack these feelings. I'm trying to figure out what the motivation behind my fears is. I am also trying to open my eyes and ears to see and hear what God wants to show me.
When I think about Jesus as a sacrifice for me, Sarah, I realize just how much He cares for me; compared to when I think about the cross for us. Of course the cross is for all of us, but sometimes I find myself lost in the crowd. Sometimes I believe that other's needs take priority over mine.
This is not so in the Lord's eyes. Actually, that is a lie that the devil would like for me to believe. The truth I am accepting is that, Jesus sees me, cares for me, knows me, loves all of me, and puts my needs at the same priority as other's. (Some say He's gifted.)
It's hard for me to accept that He sees me as equally as His other children, because I don't feel worthy of being accepted by Jesus. I think that this hurts His feelings. If someone I had known for a long time came to me and said, "well I don't feel worthy of your accepting me, so I'm going to hang out with the people that I think do accept me," I would feel disheartened. I would think, "I don't care about all that junk you have with you, I see you for you." This is Jesus heart toward me, towards us.
1. To undermine the confidence or morale of; dishearten:
2. To put into disorder; confuse.
3. To debase the morals of; corrupt.
angry[ˈæŋgrɪ]
adj-grier, -griest
1. feeling or expressing annoyance, animosity, or resentment; enraged
Have you ever felt defeated?
This morning, I feel defeated. This isn't the first time and it won't be the last. Perhaps this realization is what makes me the most resistant to accepting the feeling, to writing about it, to sharing it.
You see, I have no control over this blog. I have no control over who reads it, what they think of it, or how they will respond. What I do have control over is most of me. I control what I say. I know that I am seeking the Spirit wholeheartedly and that what I say will be of Him.
I feel strong, when I help others see something, feel something, or become someone they never could see, feel, or become. I see myself as a helper to the master gardener of whom prunes me. Right now, I am being pruned. I do not like the way this pruning feels. It makes me frustrated, angry, irritated, "annoyed." I am sharing this to exemplify that God wants us to be honest and real with, ourselves and Him; about how we feel.
On Monday, I was reading about the battle between our ideal selves vs. our real selves in the book, Change That Heals by Dr. Henry Cloud. As I read this chapter, I felt the Spirit of the Living God telling me that what I read might not be relevant to how I felt in that moment, but it would prepare me for the future. That future is now, today, this morning.
My ideal self says, you are smart, you are going to get an A, you are pretty, everyone thinks you are cute, everyone wants to be your friend, everyone wants you on their team.
My real self says, you are smart compared to the average (whatever that is), you look pretty when you put the time into beautifying, some have said you are cute, you don't have THAT many friends, no body wants you on their team.
This morning I took a lab exam. There is only one for the whole semester. During class, I take pride in my pipetting skills (google it). Today, part of the practical of the test, was to pipet. Today, on the test, I failed to pipet within the acceptable range. There were only 2 chances. Of course on the 3rd time I always got the value they were looking for. My grade will define my pipetting skills as 5/10. That means I failed the pipetting test when I know that I excel at pipetting in class.
The graduate assistant looked at me and said, "you were probably just nervous."
My thought: "Thanks, that helps me feel a lot better!"
All I have ever known when I come to a test is, test anxiety. It is so much a part of my natural response on test day, that I don't even know how anxious I am(was) until I get the score of my test back. In my schooling career, I manage to do very well considering my test anxiety levels.
Today, my coping mechanisms failed to react. I left that test feeling angry, overwhelmed, defeated, annoyed, all of the above. Not only did I feel angry with myself, but also with God. How could He let me get so nervous? Why is getting an A or B such a struggle for me, yet comes so naturally to others? I spend my nights studying and others spend their nights,...not studying and they seem to always perform better. All I want, is to be good at something academically. I know I am good at making jokes, making people laugh, jumping off cliffs into water, and out of planes...I've got the adventuring stuff down. What about tests, what about_____?
My ideal self says, you will get into that program, get the career you have been dreaming of, and live happily ever after.
My real self says, your pipetting skills and test anxiety will keep you from raising your GPA, getting into the DPD program, and ultimately becoming a nurse.
Where does this all fit into God's plan for my life?
As I made my way to the library after the test, I realized that the look on my face was not a happy one. I made eye contact with people and my face didn't change. I was in a zombie mode. Usually, I smile at everyone. I faced the battle lines of good vs. evil because the devil had me consumed, feeding me lies, and I was believing them.
When I sat down at my cubicle, I stared at the green top of the desk. I remembered how I prayed that God would soften me and allow me to cry more. He answered that prayer, at a time I didn't want it answered. Tears streamed down my face, I thought "seriously?" "Don't you care God?" He said, "Yeah, remember the cross?" "Remember Jeremiah 29:11, one of your favorite verses?" "For I know the plans I have for you, Sarah, declares the Lord, plans to prosper and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
I feel resistant to God's plans because my plans seem like they will offer me so much more prosperity, hope, and future. I know in my head that His plans for me are more beautiful than I could fathom. Believing this in my heart after an embarrassing pipetting experience, something I thought I was good at, lends a different perspective.
Now, I have to be strong, believe God for more, take courage, flee from the devil, and go listen to the instructor for an hour and a half, whom I would rather blame.
It is so cliched to say, but time flies by!! Why does time seem to go that much faster when my to-do list gets longer and longer??
This passed weekend was well spent in Northern California! I had a wonderful time with my family and a few friends. I enjoyed my car ride storytelling and making my dad laugh. My sis and I busted our moves on the dance floor at our cousin's wedding, and later I got owned on the Bocce ball court. My mom on the other hand is a champ! Not only is she a champ on the Bocce ball court, but in the kitchen as well. There is nothing like a home-cooked meal!
God is definitely refining me through this process of trusting Him to provide! I am overwhelmed by the generosity of people and am struggling to receive their gifts without feeling guilty for asking in the first place. It is all a part of this whole surrendering to the Lord's call on my life.
To date, God has provided $1,420! He is good!
I am $1,580 shy from booking a flight for me and my Malawian,
and $4,780 away from the total cost of my trip.
Please pray that God would stir the hearts of those able to give financially.
Please also pray for my vision, to continue to see God holding my hand on this path.
Friday, I will visit my favorite travel clinic to prepare my body (through immunizations and such) for 2-months in the foreign land of Malawi!
I welcome your thoughts, inquiries, and words of encouragement :)
I sit in a Denny’s diner on the corner of University Ave and Fairmount Ave in City Heights of San Diego. My drive here was just like any drive to find a place to eat before a girl’s slumber party (these slumber parties should happen more often), except I drove through a new part of San Diego.
I ended up on this side of town because it’s just a few miles from the house that will be the home to more than 20 girls tonight. I have a couple spare hours (spare hours are new in my vocabulary) and I am so grateful for them!!!
I honestly am wondering why God brought me here today. I didn’t have to keep driving especially with gas approaching $5.00 per gallon, but I did. I watched the classes change between districts. I thought to myself, “this is not how most people would picture San Diego in their minds.” Downtown San Diego and the areas most popular to tourists, display a much more prestige environment.
The area I am in today reminds me more of Tijuana, Mexico. There is a pharmacy, pawn shop, and donut shop on every other corner. The busses are longer, more crowded, and there are people walking intead of driving. I think of Malawi. I also am thinking about how I don’t need to go to Malawi to be a missionary to the poor and destitute. What could $6,000+ do here? Well, I suppose it wouldn't go AS far since the exchange rate in Malawi is $1: 125 Kwacha. Still, I am positive there are people who won’t be eating dinner, right here, in this very district, tonight.
Honestly, I looked to see that my doors were locked and put my purse in a less visible place. One thing I am surprised that I have not seen, are homeless people asking for just about “anything.” On my normal routes I see at least 3 homeless men, usually veterans, at various stoplights.
I knew I would not be stopping directly in the heart of the oppression that I see. The 80 degree weather permitted I wear shorts, and long blonde hair sticks out like a sore thumb among the diverse population.
I can’t help but feel a sense of shame as I realize just how much I am accustom to this Capitalist America. As soon as I saw a Starbucks I knew that it would be “safe” for me to dine somewhere close to it. WOW! Am I THAT white?
Today, my team and I met for our first ever family meeting!!
We are 2 brothers and 2 sisters.
Some comments when they walked into the Flood Offices:
"I brought snacks!" - Annie
"This is all of us?!" - Cameron
"I make my lunch like a mom." - Brock
How I enjoy watching us grow into a little family. I now know why my professors always ask us to "wait until they get there" when we have questions. Running a meeting for 2 hours is no easy task! Thankfully, my agenda kept us on track. My fellow team members are ecstatic to serve the Lord with all their hearts in a foreign land. This is evident because of all their questions regarding everything under the equator!
"Tell us about your last trip!"
"Are we registering our trip with the United Nations?"
"What does the place we are staying at look like?"
"Can I bring my pocket knife?"
"What do we wear?"
"Is there a Wal Mart? Target?" "No."
I have to say, these are all GREAT questions! Sometimes I feel like a parent who just got asked, "Mommy, where do babies come from?" I would love to unpack that question honey, but there are so many little details that go into it! Haha
Of course I answer their questions to the best of my ability, and am seeking out the answers I didn't have. (KEEP PRAYING FOR ME!)
Our next meeting will be on May 1st, and I will show them a video of my last trip. (Props to Kyle Franchini!) I think this will give them a great visual of what to expect and what not to expect. It also will be a great reminder for me because every time I watch that video, God reminds me of Himself and His people.
Right now my fear is that I might hinder their own personal experiences. I want each individual to have their own unique transformational experience through their own eyes, ears, hearts, noses, and mouths. Although my previous experience has equipped me to lead them and I do share some stories I have; I encouraged them to stop me if I start talking too much about it. They are to say, "That was your last trip, Sarah."
In this moment, 8:00pm on Sunday, April 10th, I have quite a bit of studying and homework to do. However, Serving God energizes me so! I feel alive when I see others growing, when I am giving to the poor and needy, and when I am taking risks for the Kingdom of God! I feel strong, I feel needed, and I feel ALIVE!
So I will end my procrastinating and get to it LOL
I went crazy at the FedEx Office center. After copying and cutting, I stuffed nearly 75 envelopes! Next, my 75 "friends" and I went for a drive down Santo Rd. to the nearest USPS station. It was a lovely drive for a Wednesday afternoon. After waiting in line for about 10 minutes, I walked up to the mail clerk. I said, "So I have about 75 letters to mail, what would be the best way to..." the clerk smiled, "Buy stamps and stamp them yourself."
I knew she was going to tell me this. Still, I thought I would ask just to make sure a new innovative machine hadn't been created since my last stop at the Post Office. I must say, if you like people watching, stand in the Post Office. It is so entertaining!
Sending my letters felt freeing. I felt like I was in a game of tag with Jesus (even though He can probably run faster than I), it was as if I tagged Him and said, "Hah, Now you're it!" I get to step back and watch God move. I eagerly wait for others to respond. I wonder if this is how God feels sometimes about us. I think sometimes He "tags" us, but instead of moving we freeze up, or we say we don't want to play anymore, or the phone rings, or we get a new message on Facebook. How many times have I ignored God when He's been tagging me? I want to be as excited to play with Him as He is to play with me! Kingdom Tag, is what I am now going to call it. Haha!
Yesterday, my afternoon was devoted to entering addresses into a beautiful Excel spreadsheet! I was amazed how quickly people responded when I messaged those whose addresses I didn't have. God guided me through the whole afternoon and it was so reassuring to know that when I am doing His work I see, hear, and feel Him so closely! I heard God's voice yesterday.
I will admit, Sunday was not the best day. My last official day of Spring break meant that reality was about to set in and all I wanted was to push PAUSE (the button that looks like II). I knew what was coming--7 classes each with something due in the next 2 weeks, sending support letters, college group, and work. I had no problem stressing myself out. I can go from relaxed to panicked in about 60 seconds--let me know when the next Saab can do that! Oh yeah--I drive a Saab story, huh if only I could let a tear out as easily as she can haha.
Looking back on Sunday, I realized I did not spend time alone with God. Simply going to church is not enough, preparing for and going to a Malawian/Ugandan culture training is not enough, singing along with KLOVE is close, but not enough. The only thing that is enough is Jesus Christ Himself (three-in-one).
Lord knows I am constantly swimming in His see of grace. Sometimes I am floating vertically, sometimes sinking, sometimes sprinting through the waves, sometimes face down in the water, sometimes floating on my back. On Sunday, I was holding my breath under the water watching all the other fish swimming around. I wished right then I too could swim into the coral reef and hide from the bigger fish.
Monday morning quickly came. I hit snooze more than three times. After my first class, I sat in my car with 1 Timothy 6 in my hands. I am happy to be the young woman He created me to be and not a fish swimming around in the coral. The Holy Spirit, in my weakness, provided me peace the whole day and I actually fell asleep quickly in the night. Praise be to Him for taking the bigger fish out of my sight.
God, gently reminded me AGAIN that He IS in control, IS real, and wants to give me more peace than I could ever imagine.
The purpose of this blog is to enable those who genuinely care, the ability to follow, join, and partner with me. Specifically I have created this blog for my upcoming mission to Malawi, Africa.
My vision for this blog is to provide a snapshot of my heart, mind, and pictures of my trip, team, etc. Please feel free to leave comments and words of encouragement, wisdom, & truth.
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